23 American states tighten the ‘Campus Shootout Law’: No shootouts allowed during lunch hours

Towards a secure lunch hour

Illinois, 16 February.

Responding just in time to the ever-rising menace of on-campus shootouts, 23 American states, including South Dakota and Wyoming and excluding Nebraska, today passed resolutions to tighten the already existing Anti-Campus-Shootout Laws. According to new stringent codes, no shootouts will be allowed during the lunch hours and only one shootout per University campus during the dinner time. “Of course, we will have different summer, spring, winter, and autumn timings for lunch/dinner in different states,” clarified Springfield Senator Bubba Livingstone, the man behind this “mission” to make college campuses a center of learning and fearless eating breaks. Waving a copy of the law, Bubba added that “the lunatic, anti-social killers have no right disrupting the traditionally peaceful food breaks, and ought to show some concern for public manners.”

Phoenix Police Chief Viggo Corleonni agreed that it was high time such a law be passed and implemented to “put some sense back into these shit-heads who treat shootouts as a visit to China – very cheap and very mindless.” Many social psychologists believe that just a ‘lunch hour overrule’ may not be enough to abet the potential attack, as “the shooter may not be much of an eater” and hence, may not distinguish between the “stupid British distinctions for Lunch, Dinner and Breakfast, in any order!”

But the eerie final word on the raging issue came from Jimmy Jendrix, a fake profile owner on Orkut who successfully runs the cult community, “Killers Inc.”, for crazy shooters. Jimmy’s auto-scrap (automatic messaging on Orkut) to more than 20 Million users of the social networking site read – “Burger!”

Just in: Psychologists and FBI’s grammatical wing are still out there decoding it, but it sure sounds sinister.

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6 Comments

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6 responses to “23 American states tighten the ‘Campus Shootout Law’: No shootouts allowed during lunch hours

  1. For the first time on this blog, I’m offended: This is too sensitive an issue to be made a mockery of…

  2. thedailytamasha

    Sharad,

    I believe no topic is too sensitive to be talked about…or even to be made fun of, as long as the intended satire is hitting the nail.

    I can explain the satire elements here (and for who they are intended) but I will let you do the decoding or specify what you found offensive.

    And in any case, right to offend and right to express (and right to be offended) co-exist in our strange stupid clever world. No apologies for that.

  3. Why would anyone apologize for the right to free speech and freedom of expression that I already have as the citizen of a democracy?

    Black comedy requires a lot more finesse that is sadly missing from this post.

  4. thedailytamasha

    Just loved the ‘sadly’ part here. Now wud u care to explain the ‘missing’ part.

  5. “Criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.”
    -Franklin P. Jones

  6. Sushant

    Arrey thakur ek criticism kya hua ki posts hi aaney band ho gaye.. check kar kar key thhak gaya.. kahan ho maalik…keep them comin.. tongues are rollin outtta here..

    Sarva saadharan ko soochit kiya jaata hai ki yeh comment London sey likha gaya hai arthat yeh blog amreeca, england jaisey deshon main visheh khyaati prapta hai!!

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