Cultural Groups Want 14th February To Be Removed From Indian Calendars

"You won't miss anything. That's a promise."

"You won't miss anything. That's a promise."

Mumbai. 10 February 2009. 

Cultural groups or Senas from all over country convened in the city yesterday to demand the “absolute removal” of 14th February as a “date, day, or number” from Indian calendars.   The much-anticipated demand was put forward by the latest poster-boy of hindu-male emancipation, ProMod Much-a-Lick,  and was seconded by MNS Chief Raj Thakarey who added – “We can replace 14th February with a new date called Phod-Det (meaning blast-it), where we will have competitions like ‘Torch a state transport bus in 20-seconds’ or ‘Slap a girl, be a man!’. And of course, the names will be in Marathi.”

Though he failed to explain how these proposed activities on ‘Phod Det’ are any different from what they have been doing on the Valentine’s Day for the last few years, his cousin Udhhav justified that “if British can have hotels with no 13th floor, Hitler could live healthy with just one testicle,  why can’t we have a February with no 14th day. And in any case, February already has 32 days. Or is it 33?” 

In a related incident, another Congress senior expressed his love for Rahul Gandhi and nobody noticed.

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10 Comments

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10 responses to “Cultural Groups Want 14th February To Be Removed From Indian Calendars

  1. yash

    Oh man! this post made me laugh so hard!

  2. Hush-hush, lest they should actually read this…

  3. Haaha. Too good.

    -A
    How abt calling it vatsyayan day?

  4. Nalin

    Next target of our protest should be Western Comodes

    West is imposing its paranoid practice of excreting in a hidden little chambers upon us gullible Indians

    Since due to cold climatic conditions prevailing in european countries they cannot go out in open hence, jealous of our culture, through centuries of english education they convinced us that sh!tting in fields is wrong thereby killed this beautiful Indian tradition and very slyly in the process they also created a huge market for to!let seats which is making their MNCs richer.

    Come on India! wake up! grab a lota and go out to the fields.

    There is no experience like excreating under open skies with sweet wind blowing past, you can just sit and drop listening to the farts of guy in the neighbouring bush.
    Imagine yourself holding a lota in your hand and indulging in a friendly chatter with your buddy while happily heading towards a field, what a great device for building social bon-homie and compare it with decadent western practice of just sitting in a small to!let, door bolted and all, doing it all alone. Dhush, flush gone. What service you are doing to the society? What are you leaving behind for others to see and appreciate and put their feets in ??

    Do it like your forefathers did, don’t fall in the western comode…oops i mean, western trap

  5. Haa haa….Nalin! The sad (or actually, even funnier) part is – satire is lost on these ‘saviors’.

    But yes, the idea is not bad even from a logistical point of view. We, at least in Mumbai, can have more space at home…by removing that toilet and making a small mandir in that space. Religion, after all, covers all the shit.

  6. yup! right!

    as if we didn’t already had enough of those muslim terrorists that now hindus too have joined the fray with these senas and Dals. These hindu fundamentals piss me more because even in their craziness muslims seem to be following their book but these hindu idiots act shamelessly without any rhyme or reason.

    more than religion i’m now wary of jingoistic nationalism which gives u only two choices either keep chanting ‘mera bharat mahan’ like a brainwashed zombie or get branded as a traitor.

  7. On similar lines, we are celebrating P-day which closely resembles the phrase ‘taking a leak’ moving away from the traditional and age old ritual of restroom breaks to pee-publicly. It is registered as People for Public Peeing (PPP). I must say we should be able to wipe out all days of the year and make this activity in all sense ‘timeless piece of art’.
    Hope this time around we have opposition from all possible people, even remotely connected to the pee-routine of a person, and give some direction to its development; from the mundane to something more special.
    We say. Pee(Hindi), Pee(In all probability this is English), Pee(Whistling by some Sena) Huzzah!!

  8. @ Weedy

    PPP sounds like a Pakistani or Bangladeshi political party! You sure they won’t object?

    @ Nalin

    Sad but true (with some riders, of course). I don’t think anybody is following the book…fundamentalism works on the principle of alienating the moderates rather than allying with like-minded. (You see, the twisted priority!)

  9. @Varun

    In fact they support us! For being a politically correct let me just say, ‘Any resemblances are purely co-incidental and unintentional’
    On a serious note, some follow the book, some are misguided, some blackmailed, some victims of circumstance, some blind followers, some plain jobless; but whatever the outcome has been, the false sense of equilibrium sets in and people just play their ‘roles’! Sad.

  10. Two ‘One liners’ from Famous writer Mr. Rajendra yadav on the eve of valentine’s day…

    1. We piss in public, but we can’t kiss in public.
    2. Love is a fart of heart. painful to digest but it feels freedom when it gets out!

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