Berkley. 20 May 2009.
13.73 billion years after our Universe came into existence, and another 40-years after Big Bang theory was reluctantly agreed upon, Cosmic Scientists at Berkley University have found the real reason behind the ‘Big Bang’. Jimmy Lola, renowned scientist and the head of star-gazing facility at the University, feels “Sensex…the Indian stock market index must have crossed the One-Lakh mark, causing the Big Bang which then went on to create the Universe we live in.”
With this, scientists have recognized the only missing link in the bizarre chain of events, starting with a sudden bang “one fine day” and extending up to Michael Jackson awfully shouting ‘Owwwww’ on stage. Smiling from ear to mid-chin, Lola explains – “We accepted Big Bang, hell we had no option, but we wanted a plausible reason for it to happen. It couldn’t be random, like America going to war….it had to have a real good reason. And Sensex was the reason!”
Lola cracks-up on being asked how he stumbled upon this huge discovery and says modestly – “Well…it just fell into my lap. The TV remote, I mean. I was watching Indian Business News Channel…had my money stashed with those Satyam goons…and there it was, a News Anchor jumping up and down like he was on LSD, another one kissing the laptop, and yet another one already 5-feet up in air, all talking about Sensex. Then, with live proofs, we knew what a ten-point rise in Sensex could do. And imagine, what would it have done if it crossed 1-Lakh mark a few billion years ago? Big Bang!”
Though he refused to answer at first what Sensex would be there for, when there was no Universe. But as this reporter was wrapping up, he came close and shared the secret – “The Universe was abstract before it came into existence. And that’s what sensex is – abstract.”