London. 6 July 2009.
In a sensational yet poignant moment, accidentally caught on camera, 15-time Grand Slam winner and 10-time French Open loser, Roger Federer was seen drinking 4-stroke Engine Oil (Castrol) hiding behind a crew person during the shoot of a TV commercial. Though the Castrol Executive Producers are relieved that he was not “sipping” on their “rival Mobil’s Engine Oil, which, for a fact, has more carbon” behind their back, Federer’s family and friends are devastated by the news.
The surreal moment came during the second hour of the shoot, where Roger was supposed to “shove the bottle in viewer’s face” and say aloud, with a grin, “As smooth as my serve, even in France!” But as it turned out, the ‘greatest tennis player ever’ was missing from the shot at the exact moment, un-bottling the 4-stroke Oil, hiding behind a crew member in a corner.
Though Fed-ex, as lovingly called by fans, is yet to comment on this Vatican-classified ‘unnatural act’ of his, video evidence points to a case of serious addiction. Renowned London Psychiatrist Keith Handleburn, after seeing the top-secret video, commented that, “the passionate big sip, quick gulp, and hurried actions almost confirm that he has been at it for years, if not decades. And that too in such London rains!”
Though the International tennis community is still in shock at the revelations, players like Rafael Nadal and Andy Roddick have started asking questions. “I know this explains a lot of things, like why he rarely smiled or got angry, ” said Andy Roddick. “In fact, I remember during our 16-14 last set at Wimbledon yesterday, he kept greasing his palms rather than wiping them”, the American added with a hint of astonishment.
Federer’s long-time rival, Spaniard Rafael Nadal though had a greater worry. “I have been told that drinking such things leads to a memory loss. And who knows then, he might want to play all his matches, all his career, all over again. Another 15 Grand Slams!”, shuddered Nadal.