Union Budget Successfully Confuses Millions In India

Koi Goodluck Nikaalein...Aaj Gullak Toh Fodein

Koi Goodluck Nikaalein...Aaj Gullak Toh Fodein

New Delhi. 7 July 2009.

Living up to high expectations from the market and riding on a heavy mandate to the UPA government in the recently held Lok Sabha polls, Indian Finance Minister Pranab Mukherjee presented a confidently confusing budget, surpassing the half-measured confused-ness of previous few budgets and equaling the legendary ambiguity of budgets of the 80’s. Loaded with genuinely confusing and at times contradictory terms like exemptions, subsidies, holidays, deficits, slabs, excise, cess, Rajiv, surcharge, Indira, Vikas, and infrastructure – Pranab Mukherjee was able to restore the lost glory of baffling budget-speeches in a short duration of 3 hours.

Bhanu Shah, a mid-level banker and stock-market expert in Mumbai, hailed the budget for its “zero focus on real problems and infrastructure, and still making it all sound so good and big.” Suresh Mahajan, a top-executive with FICII (Federation Instead of Confederation of Indian Industries) rated the “imaginative budget  10 i out of 10, i being the imaginary number, square root of minus one.” Further explaining his joy, Suresh Mahajan said – “Look…budgets are basically study in jargons…how to balance your jargon! You balance a subsidy with cess, holiday with surcharge and jewelry excise with cigarette sales. And the more imaginative you are, the more esoteric your balancing will be. Pranab Da is a pro!”

Rushing home for the budget speech

Rushing home for the budget speech

Though India Inc. is still not out with a clear verdict, experts believe that even that’s a huge indication that how monumentally confusing this budget has been. “We were sitting here, holding our wine glasses, hoping for a speech ripe with numbers, figures, terms, even new kinds of taxes…anything that doesn’t make sense at all, and he exceeded our expectations. I mean, right from the first sentence where he said “physical” and meant “fiscal” – he was on the ball”, said Aditya Birla Group’s COO Coolraaj Chibbar.

Though some quarters were disappointed with “seemingly straightforward, non-confusing measures like increasing the tax-exmeption limit for women”, Delhi-based Financial Expert GK Swamy believes “these are minor aberrations in an otherwise grandly hollow budget. Let’s not deny a credit where it’s due.”

Suhasini Verma, a housewife in Bhopal, has the final word on UPA-II government’s first budget. “His smile is better than that Chidumram’s (sic)…very sweet Bangali smile. But I don’t understand Bangali naa…so didn’t get a word of what he was saying.”

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15 Comments

Filed under Politics, Society

15 responses to “Union Budget Successfully Confuses Millions In India

  1. Contradictory terms like Rajiv, surcharge, Indira, Vikas …. awesome! Physical or fiscal – he was still talking of deficit :). Was the mother of controversies present at the christening of Bhanu Shah? 😛 The article was a joyread !

  2. Bhery Bhery good post! This one is for “The Onion”!!

  3. Sushant

    physical deficit lol!! 🙂

  4. Pranab was actually scared.. The shewolf had attacked him b4 he entered the parliament and hence he could not speak properly..

  5. Bhishon daarun shomachaar ! Aisa kanoon cholaya ki ‘bong’ on target news hoye gelo .. 🙂

    .. i being the imaginary number .. “physical” and meant “fiscal”.. real gems – too good.

  6. Mayank

    Since now two Bengalis are presenting the budget in tandem, we need to understand Bengali to understand the budget 🙂
    10i reminded me of the good old school days.
    May be “i” should have been added in the figures of the budget, so it would have given a feel good imaginary budget for everyone.

    Really Nice post!!!

  7. thedailytamasha

    @Shashank
    Maine bahut socha but i still couldn’t figure out your reference to Bhanu Shah? Usmein kya controversial tha? Or may be am missing an accidental joke?

    @Animesh, Sushant

    🙂

    @Shewolf
    Do you speak Hindi? Hum darr gaye.

    @Sid Bro
    😛 ‘bong’ on target! Shukriya.

    @Mayank
    Yup…ab Saurabh Dada gaya toh koi dada-didi toh hone chaahiye na lime-light mein.

  8. The bong is on. Phast the didi gibes a wonderfool railbay bajaat bith haaf the trains going too bongal. Now Pranab babu prejent ‘confidently confusing budget’… too guud phor India.

  9. Awesome post! Was a joy to read 🙂

  10. Mathur

    http://www.fakingnews.com/2009/06/mckinsey-proposes-fart-approach-to.html

    Just saw it… thot u might be interested, that is if u dont already chek it out! A similar kind of post n site

  11. perennialcynic

    Simply ULTIMATE

    loved the reference to iota

    http://jee2010.wordpress.com

  12. like i said before, my own post on the budget was inspired by you!

    foreskinpress.wordpress.com

  13. Pingback: Tongue firmly… « Hamara Congress

  14. elaine

    very amusing, great read 🙂

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