New Delhi. 16 September 2009.
In a strategic move aimed at relieving the Delhi administration off any deadlines and unachievable ambitions related to the upcoming Commonwealth Games 2010, the Government of India stepped in today to rename the sporting event as ‘CommonPlace 2010’. Cabinet Sports Minister MS Gill and IOA President since AD 1726 Mr. Suresh Kalmadi made the announcement at a chilled-out cocktail party thrown to mark the change.
“Why take pressure?”, said Kalmadi while sipping on his cocktail ‘Bloody Fennell’. “End of the day, these idiots will come from all over the world and jump over these stupid rods, or run around in stadiums, throwing and fetching bhaalas. And we bloody lose our sleep for them?’, Kalmadi questioned candidly. Sports Minister MS Gill too was all praise for this ‘logical change’ proposed by the Lowered Expectations Committee of the GOI. “They want us to have one lakh hotel rooms free. Who are we? Vaishno Devi Shrine Board?”, Gill muses.
According to the new road-map, CommonPlace 2010 will need 20 unfinished stadiums, 10 unfinished swimming pools, 25 unfinished open-area pandaals, at least 250 badly kept hotel rooms, and a security cover of at least 500 policemen with or without uniform. “It’s still a lot of work, if you see”, admitted one bureaucrat from the Organizing Committee of CPG2010. “We have 5 unfinished swimming pools, and getting 5 more may need some work. But yes, the new roadmap looks achievable…and then, we can renegotiate always”, the unnamed source winked bureaucratically.
Although, some stray voices of dissent still rang through the cocktail party, prominently of Delhi CM Sheila Dikshit. “What will happen to our BRTS? We spent 5-years planning that. It’s a modern enginering marvel…and now they say they don’t want it. It doesn’t go with the ‘vision’?”, Dikshit fumed. Though she is less fazed by Government’s proposal to use Delhi Metro Under-Construction Sites for ‘weightlifting and gymnastics events’. “That is good! We will get live promotions by international athletes. In fact, we had planned the work this way only.”
Meanwhile, Austere Rahul Gandhi, riding a train for the first time in his life, was highly offended by the graffiti inside the train toilet. “People are doing crazy images with our party’s symbol”, he admitted wide-eyed.