Category Archives: Television

World Awed As Apple Launches Something Good-looking

Found in a bar (Pic Courtesy:

San Fransisco. 07 June 2010.

In a much anticipated and fanatically followed ceremony, Apple CEO Steve Jobs launched something very sleek, good looking, and fantastically white. Technology website reporters, business journalists, bored-but-there executives, over-informed teenagers, and clueless passers-by waited for hours, not because Jobs was late but, to feel good about themselves, as the keynote started.

“Stop me, if you have already seen this”, he started his speech with, and had to contend with raised hands, mostly from Gizmodo subscribers, every few seconds. He then apologized and changed his first line to, “Stop me if you really think you can get alive out of here after doing so”, which resulted in putting the focus back on the good looking thing he was unveiling. The 90-minute mindfuckingly unbelievable presentation showed the good-looking thing in various good-looking angles with Steve Jobs’ good-sounding voice-over explaining the good looks.

Hypenating good-looking

Sandman Hurst, 36, the leading tech expert for a very big tech magazine in a very big country live-blogged enthusiastically, calling the launch “one of the most awaited days” of his life. Hurst would have added more but then he had to get back to his job and “work my ass-off at my blood sucking company so that I could buy the good looking thing sometime in the coming decade.”

Youngsters from around the world held their breath before, and hugged each other after, the launch, to claim that they belonged. “I can’t tell you how thrilled I am. I didn’t sleep for the last 2 weeks – I don’t know why – but it all seems worth it now!”, said Neil Simon, 22.

If Apple insiders are to be believed, the company is working on a new-range of somethings to be launched sometime soon, if not sometime later.

Meanwhile in India, 1984’s Bhopal Gas Tragedy case verdict is out, giving TV news channels another much-needed opportunity to call panel discussions where everybody is agreeing with the anchor.

(Idea Courtesy: Onion’s ‘Something Happened Somewhere’ video story)

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Origin of our Universe related to Sensex: Cosmic Scientists confirm

Great lighting!

Great lighting!

Berkley. 20 May 2009.

13.73 billion years after our Universe came into existence, and another 40-years after Big Bang theory was reluctantly agreed upon,  Cosmic Scientists at Berkley University have found the real reason behind the ‘Big Bang’. Jimmy Lola, renowned scientist and the head of star-gazing facility at the University, feels “Sensex…the Indian stock market index must have crossed the One-Lakh mark, causing the Big Bang which then went on to create the Universe we live in.”

With this, scientists have recognized the only missing link in the bizarre chain of events, starting with a sudden bang “one fine day” and extending up to Michael Jackson awfully shouting ‘Owwwww’ on stage. Smiling from ear to mid-chin, Lola explains – “We accepted Big Bang, hell we had no option, but we wanted a plausible reason for it to happen. It couldn’t be random, like America going to war….it had to have a real good reason. And Sensex was the reason!”

The Man Lola

The Man Lola

Lola cracks-up on being asked how he stumbled upon this huge discovery and says modestly – “Well…it just fell into my lap. The TV remote, I mean. I was watching Indian Business News Channel…had my money stashed with those Satyam goons…and there it was, a News Anchor jumping up and down like he was on LSD, another one kissing the laptop, and yet another one already 5-feet up in air, all talking about Sensex. Then, with live proofs, we knew what a ten-point rise in Sensex could do. And imagine, what would it have done if it crossed 1-Lakh mark a few billion years ago? Big Bang!”

Though he refused to answer at first what Sensex would be there for, when there was no Universe. But as this reporter was wrapping up, he came close and shared the secret – “The Universe was abstract before it came into existence. And that’s what sensex is – abstract.”

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