Arundhati Roy Confesses To Inserting ‘Maine Pyar Kiya’ Screenplay In Her Essays To Make Them Look Longer

A common man's impression of Ms. Roy's articles

New Friend’s Colony, New Delhi. 29 September 2010.

In a shocking, heartbreaking confession, Booker-winner and India’s top intellectual entity Arundhati Roy,  today admitted to inserting random lines from Hindi movie scripts in her essays “so that they look long and intimidating”. “I learnt this trick in my history class as a kid. We had a teacher who used to mark our answers by measuring them with a metric scale. So we used to smartly insert film songs, dialogues, etc. in say, an answer to the impacts of WW-I on Indian freedom movement “, said a suitably nostalgic Ms. Roy.

The story broke when Ashok, a bored teenager in Orissa’s Koraput District, happened to stumble upon the words “Aaja shaam hone aayi, mausam ne li angdaayi…” in a passage of Ms. Roy’s latest marathon-article for a reputed National weekly. “I was bored of rediff comment-boards that day”, said Ashok, “And as luck would have it, after spotting these lines as well as the rest of the screenplay of the film in the article, I went back to rediff and posted the whole thing online. lol.”

"I never thought anybody would read them..."

Ms. Roy’s fellow ‘long-essayist’, Arun Shourie defended her rights to use ‘whatever it takes, to make the essay longer’ by writing a very-long essay (a 20-part series) in Indian Express.

Experts believe that this may not be a stray case and we need to go back to all our long speeches, essays, and critiques including Pandit JL Nehru’s ‘Tryst With Destiny’, to find hidden-movie references or chunks. “I remember Mughal-E-Azam scenes in an Indira Gandhi speech to the UN once”, said a Congress insider not willing to be named.

Meanwhile, soon-to-be-married BJP MP Varun Gandhi has threatened to chop the hands off of Baraatis who refuse to dance at his wedding.

Ayodhya Verdict Leaked: Land To Go To IIPM

Leaked vision for tomorrow

Allahabad. 22 September 2010.

In a shocking leak, apparently carried out by underpaid clerks of Allahabad high court, the much-awaited verdict in Babri Masjid land-title case declared Indian Institute of Planning and Management (IIPM) to be the rightful owners of the property. “IIPM owned the land much before Mughals invaded India, forget Britishers”, reads the powerful text accompanying the verdict given by 3-member High Court bench in Allahabad. “IIPM’s legacy goes  back to the days of Nalanda-Taxila, and we have banner-ads to prove that even in the days of Chandragupta Maurya, Kings used to send their illegitimate children to IIPM Universities”, the court noted as an aside.

The design of proposed IIPM structure at Ayodhya

Professor Arindam Chaudhury, the founder, speaker and transformational leader at IIPM called the verdict “a fitting reply to the detractors of IIPM, including UGC” and said “a new fugly structure, preceded by fugly newspaper ads, will soon come up at the site, handing out European-countryside-attested MBA degrees to Indian-countryside-kids”.

With this, the 300-year long dispute over Ayodhya – a rare small-town in UP with more cows than Mayawati statues – has come to a symbolic end. Hindu-Muslim issues expert Mannu Raza noted: “I know not many would be happy with this verdict. Especially the TV commentators who love the smell of froth coming out of their mouth. But then, this could have been worse. The land could have been given to Suresh Kalmadi for the next CWG!”

Celebrity-on-call Mahesh Bhatt, though, seemed elated by the verdict. “I have been saying for long that a Sulabh Shauchalaya or a Disneyland kind of structure would be a nice middle ground where people of all religions visited. It turns out they found a good mix of Sulabh Shauchalaya and Disneyland in IIPM”, Bhatt said.

Extremists and skeptics on either side, meanwhile, had a hard day following the leak. “For the last 1-month, I have been stocking-up Maggi, thinking there will be a siege and we will burn all the shops down . Now tell me, what the fuck should I do with all this Maggi?”, was the poignant question by Chunnu in Lucknow.