Arundhati Roy Confesses To Inserting ‘Maine Pyar Kiya’ Screenplay In Her Essays To Make Them Look Longer

A common man's impression of Ms. Roy's articles

New Friend’s Colony, New Delhi. 29 September 2010.

In a shocking, heartbreaking confession, Booker-winner and India’s top intellectual entity Arundhati Roy,  today admitted to inserting random lines from Hindi movie scripts in her essays “so that they look long and intimidating”. “I learnt this trick in my history class as a kid. We had a teacher who used to mark our answers by measuring them with a metric scale. So we used to smartly insert film songs, dialogues, etc. in say, an answer to the impacts of WW-I on Indian freedom movement “, said a suitably nostalgic Ms. Roy.

The story broke when Ashok, a bored teenager in Orissa’s Koraput District, happened to stumble upon the words “Aaja shaam hone aayi, mausam ne li angdaayi…” in a passage of Ms. Roy’s latest marathon-article for a reputed National weekly. “I was bored of rediff comment-boards that day”, said Ashok, “And as luck would have it, after spotting these lines as well as the rest of the screenplay of the film in the article, I went back to rediff and posted the whole thing online. lol.”

"I never thought anybody would read them..."

Ms. Roy’s fellow ‘long-essayist’, Arun Shourie defended her rights to use ‘whatever it takes, to make the essay longer’ by writing a very-long essay (a 20-part series) in Indian Express.

Experts believe that this may not be a stray case and we need to go back to all our long speeches, essays, and critiques including Pandit JL Nehru’s ‘Tryst With Destiny’, to find hidden-movie references or chunks. “I remember Mughal-E-Azam scenes in an Indira Gandhi speech to the UN once”, said a Congress insider not willing to be named.

Meanwhile, soon-to-be-married BJP MP Varun Gandhi has threatened to chop the hands off of Baraatis who refuse to dance at his wedding.

Rediff Message Board Gets Its First-Ever Decent Comment In 10 Years

Caution: Strong language. Could be offensive to highly sensitive or diabetes patients. Clicking photographs is prohibited.

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Too Much To Handle

Mumbai. 18 June 2009.

Unbelievable, and many experts still say it’s a hoax, but Rediff.Com message board has finally registered a single decent comment after more than 50 Lakh comments being posted in the last 10-years of operations.

The comment in question was posted on Rediff’s latest story about Indian stock market and was the first-ever in rediff’s history which didn’t use the words ‘fuck’, ‘sex’, ‘shit’, or any other Indian language expletives (including the dubious and oft-repeated ones like ‘bhasmasur trmk’), neither it contained any overt or covert prejudices based on gender, caste, religion, nation, proximity to a river, zoo or jungle, body structure, eating habits, Saurav Ganguly, SRK or Anurag Kashyap camps, or previous comment maker’s knowledge of English, Hindi or Tamil.

The path-breaking comment was made by someone called “Crazy_doll_125_Ludhiana_Idli” and the golden decent words were – “Hi”. Rediff message boards are still grappling with this new unexpected development and many follow-up comments have resorted to strongly abusing  ‘crazy_doll…’ for trying to vilify the atmosphere. Some, like ‘Jat_Boyy_Hot’ feel that “krazy doll niid me bedly” while another regular visitor ‘C K V’ blames “b***rd ludhiana doll” for trying to “abuse South Indians by using idli as an internet-surname.” CKV then goes on to discuss the whole Dravidian history and how Aryans invaded the real India, triggering a fight-back by login names like ‘History_Prof’, ‘Aryan_Bodybuilder’ and ‘GOFUKCMALLU’.

Heated discussions were reported from Rediff’s other message boards too, notably from the thread discussing Indian team’s exit from WC T-20. One longish message by ‘Dhoni_Fan_536’ claimed to know the origins of ‘thees ludhiana dolls…they are all Paki prrostitutues’s…and they gain entry in indiana site’s lyke rediff b looking cute….saying hi…then abyu’se ower site’s, ower country’s, ower player’s…kargil is still fresh in our woond’s…musharaf b***dr, a*** crazy_doll…I kill you.”

Meanwhile, comment moderators and editors at Rediff are still debating whether to retain the ‘decent’ comment or start another fire by removing it.