SRK, Amir Support As Multiplex Popcorn Sellers Go On Strike Too

Pop it again...

Mumbai. 29 May 2009.

In another blow to the ongoing multiplex-producer stand-off, Popcorn Sellers Union Of India (Caramel and Cheese Included) today went on an ‘indefinite strike’ owing to current profit-sharing system in place.”We are making more money for Multiplexes than those Akshay Kumar duds like “CC2C” or “Tasveer Eighty”, and we get no profit share?” lamented Raja Singh Chandel, President of PSUI (CCI) in a press statement. Though Multiplex Owners Association could not be contacted for a comment, a reliable source confirmed that “the development (sic) may force Lalit Modi into organizing two more IPLs this year, with cheerleaders munching the popcorn strategically in strategy breaks”.

Popcorn industry, estimated to be Rs. 400-Crore big, has been going through a low-phase since new-age filmmakers like Anurag Kashyap and Murugadoss arrived on scene. Noted Psychologist, Dr. Indira Verma, insists that “more the violence, sex, politics, or memory loss in a film, lesser is the viewer’s desire to eat something, especially feel-good things like popcorn or Kismi toffee bar. That’s why we don’t see Kismi in the markets anymore.”

You look kkrushed!

Meanwhile Popcorn Sellers Union of India (Caramel and Cheese Included) got a much-needed voice of support from Amir Khan who promised “to speak to Shahrukh, arrange a press-meet, and then remain silent so that Shahrukh could do all the talking and I could retain my serious image.” Shahrukh, on the other hand, seemed much more enthusiastic to support Popcorn-strikers and issued a statement saying “Hell, I have supported KKR. This can’t be worse!”

In a related development (sic), Multiplex owners have decided to extend their strike till year 2025 as by then, they will be “more clear in terms of what our demands are.”

Bachchan family to visit Mars for ‘Nava-Griha Pooja’. SRK to follow.

Mumbai. 6 February 2008.

Amidst conflicting reports of ‘Aishwarya looking pregnant’ and ‘Aishwarya looking leaner’, Bollywood’s first family decided to make their long-awaited trip to Planet Mars for the all-important Nava-Griha Pooja. As reported constantly, Bachchan family has bypassed more than 1000 temple darshan queues and consumed more than 2000 Kilos of prasaadam in a bid to overpower Aishwarya’s plastic smile and steely Mangal.

The family, Amitabh, Jaya, Abhishek, Aishwarya, and Amar, will fly in a specially designed spaceship (designed by the brilliant Akhilesh Yadav, Mulayam Singh Yadav’s son) sometime in the summers of 2008, sources revealed. Though an official confirmation by the family spokesperson Amar Singh is yet awaited, the charming friend of Big B didn’t leave much to speculation when he was seen shopping for extra-large-sized hot-pants and leather-ganjis in friend-philosopher-financer Anil Ambani’s newly opened ‘Reliance Spaced Out Fresh’ outlets.

NASA experts and tarot card readers also agree that the best time to visit Mars is between June and September, as then, the planet is in a “good mood”. Although sources close to the family have denied that the visit is a knee-jerk reaction to Raj Thakarey’s demands of ‘North Indians Leave Mumbai’, Thakarey supporters are not far behind in asking – ‘Why there are no Marathis on board?’

In a related development, Bachchan’s professional heir Shahrukh Khan has started preparing for a similar flight to Mars. As part of a joint-venture with Balaji’s Ekta Kapoor, SRK is expected to host Bollywood’s first ‘Truly Universal Film Awards’ (TUFA), the first ever Bollywood awards function to be held at a venue outside Planet Earth. According to a closely-held-secret, the King of Hindi Cinema will not only host TUFA, but will also dance to his recent numbers and win the best actor award too.