Bhopal GoM Concludes Rajiv Loved Mango Shakes and Arjun Should Get Compensation

Kwality conscious

New Delhi. 20 June 2010.

Finalising its conclusions on Bhopal gas leak, the reconstituted GoM today said that “Rajiv Gandhi loved milk shakes with mangoes. In fact, he was just crazy about them.”

Cabinet Home Minister and GoM member Mr. P. Chidambaram said “Even Arjun Singh, who was the CM at the time of the fatal leak agrees that our ex-PM Shri Rajiv Gandhi simply loved crushed mangoes shaken in an electric mixer with cold milk.” With this, experts and TV news hosts agree, the 26-year long wait for some kind of closure for Bhopal victims has ended.

Warren Anderson, Circa 1984

The GoM submitted a detailed report, with three major big-impact sub-conclusions. First, that on the day of the gas leak Arjun Singh was the CM and hence he should be given due compensation for facing the trauma of the day. Second, Warren Anderson’s escape could be blamed on the national carrier Air India. “Had they been on strike, like many other days of the year 1984 and on, Anderson would have been around for a long time”, said GoM wild card member Suresh Nambiar.

The third conclusion, the most far-reaching one is to constitute another GoM to reach the third conclusion.

Indore, 10:30 am. This banner consumed 34 kgs. of burfi (Image Courtesy: Telegraph India)

Meanwhile, Rahul Gandhi’s banners and posters nationwide miraculously started accepting and consuming sweets on the congress leader’s 40th birthday. Congress spokesman Abhishek Manu Singhvi could not be reached for an explanation.

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(Third conclusion courtesy: @madversity on twitter)

Manmohan Singh’s Confessions On ‘Sach Ka Saamna’ – A Hangover, No Memory Of A Thing From NAM

Truth is stranger than democracy

New Delhi. 28 July 2009.

Appearing on the controversial reality show ‘Sach Ka Saamna’, Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh today confessed to a case of serious hangover and possible drugging at the recently held NAM Summit in Sheikh ‘el Sharm (also referred as Sheikh ‘ul Sharm in 33 percent media and Sheikh ‘al Sharm in another 33 percent) while admitting that he remembers “nothing of what happened in those 24-hours” when he was supposed to meet Pakistani diplomats.

Standing bravely in front of an audience comprising of his family members as well as Yashwant Sinha and Prakash Karat, Mr. Singh confessed that “All I remember is that next morning, I woke up with a blond look-alike (later identified as Mr. Jairam Ramesh), a swollen eye, a potato on my face, and a white elephant in my backyard. And yes, a love letter was lying on my dressing table, with no name and no love words, except an address that read ‘Balochistan'”

Hungama hai kyun barrpa...

Expressly dismissing the media reports and opposition interpretation that India had sold-out its diplomatic advantage in those few hours of madness, Prime Minister popped a cool mint and added – “That’s not true. At least there is no proof. At least we think so.”

Responding to a pointed query by host Rajeev Khandelwal ( “Do you even remember going to NAM then?” ), Dr. Singh looked sideways before gulping and adding – “Actually I don’t.” As drama built in usually ultra-dramatic TV show, he continued – “The last I remember is me asking my secretary in Dilli – ‘Why the hell are we still having this Nam-Sham? Teeto-sheeto is dead for long. Nahin?'”

Though CBI has been entrusted with the job of finding out who, if any, drugged the Indian contingent at an already-drugged-out summit like NAM, the agency has asked for a leave of absence to first find out which ministers are watching ‘Sach ka Saamna’ in private, while asking for a ban in open.

The show airs on 15th August, 2009, that is, if it’s not banned, PIL-ed, doctored, offense-laden hence attacked, aligned, or post-poned due to some randomly scheduled 20-20 Cricket match.

PM’s revelation : “Nuclear deal just an in-parliament joke. There never was any deal to start-with!”

New Delhi. 9th February.

In a candid revelation to CBS News’ popular prime-time show CBS 60-minutes, Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh sent shock-waves across the world by admitting that “There never was any Nuclear deal, or even the faintest talks of it in real sense, with America. It was just an in-parliament joke started by Congress-chief Sonia Gandhi, who jumbled up America, KFC, bird-flu, and H5N1 (virus) to accidentally ask – ‘Is America supplying us N-virus?’”

The rest, as Singh says, is history with a little bit of diplomacy, media-frenzy, left-wing politics and Indian congress’ jest thrown in. Almost choking with laughter and nostalgia, Manmohan Singh said – “We initially enjoyed the media-hype it generated; and even the tug-of-war with Left front was great, except that we were pulling a non-existent rope there.” On being asked that how did they buy American-side into this farce and Singh winks playfully, adding – “We were never needed to! George Bush just believed what was being printed in the Indian newspapers.”

Reacting strongly to Manmohan Singh’s bombshell, George Bush told the world media to “Take light!”, as he always knew that he was “being taken on a punctured-pony ride” and hence, he never signed any document as ‘George Bush’. “I mis-spelled it as Goerge Bush, deliberately”, American President emphasized.

Meanwhile, the Indian left front was quick to condemn this “latest act of betrayal” by their UPA allies, and immediately called for a “Bandh in West Bengal, Kerala and China Bazaars all over India.”