Kasab being victimised because he is a dalit: Indian politician

(image Courtesy: Outlookindia.com)

Mumbai. 04 May 2010.

A bit late in the day, but just before a Mumbai sessions court finalises a sentence for Pakistani terrorist Ajmal Amir Kasab for the 26/11 Mumbai terror attacks, an Indian politician has thrown a virtual trump card in the arena. “Kasab is a dalit. He is being victimised like A. Raja“, said KS Priyan, International President of a district-level party in a southern Indian state.

The allegation, now even a part of ‘Oxbridge Dictionary of Alibis and Excuses’, came as a shocking reminder to major national parties like Congress and BJP that how complacent they have been acting off late. “It’s a shame, we agree”, said Congress’s spokesman Avishkar Birla, “we should have come up with this gem of an allegation before anyone else. It would have gone down well with Rahul Baba’s UP game-plan.” The BJP spokesperson couldn’t comment as the sun was strong and he fainted.

KS Priyan, addressing a press conference in Mumbai, seemed to be in a rough mood as he threw a water bottle in anger while asking – “Who the fuck is watching ‘Housefull’?” After regaining his composure a couple of minutes later, he restated his allegation that “Kasab is as innocent as, choose any metaphor you like. But the point is, he is a dalit.” On being asked that is there a proof that Kasab is dalit, his face lit up. “The fact that he doesn’t even have a proof of his dalit identity is the proof! See, they won’t even let a dalit keep his identity proof.”

Though Priyan’s allegations may not affect the final verdict, the political players as well as intellectuals are excited with the possibilities such insinuations bring. “It’s like having a Red Indian character in a mainstream Hollywood flick. You can use it for emotions, purity, sudden twists, or any random last-minute plot device conveniently”, said Delhi-based social scientist Neeru Bajwa in some other context.

Triplicate Girl: Wet dream of an Indian Bureaucrat

Meanwhile, Kasab said, “Given the state of Indian courts, and the number of boring hours I had to spend repeating the same answers a trillion times, even if I am set free, I will never indulge in any act, even remotely related to anything illegal. I am done with triplicates. I am done with triplicates. I am done with triplicates.”

Rahul Gandhi’s Coming-of-Age Movie Finds No Buyers

The Official 'First Look'

New Delhi/Lucknow 25 September 2009

Perhaps it was not a good idea to start with. Rahul Gandhi’s ambitious coming-of-age movie, ‘PAPPU CAN DANCE SAALA’, under-production for the last 7-years, is close to completion now. But unfortunately, and cynics say expectedly, the Rs. 2000 Crore film has no takers.

Shot entirely on-location primarily in Uttar Pradesh, Maharashtra and India’s Capital New Delhi, and featuring cameos by Kalawati, Milliband, Shahrukh Khan and a bunch of Doon School pass-outs, the closely guarded storyline is rumored to have Rahul zip across the country, especially the dark state of Uttar Pradesh, to find himself. Film’s screenwriter Joyen Coterie admitted this much in a recent interview – “It’s a man’s internal journey – to find his identity away from his family name. Of course, he uses his family name to find this ‘away identity’ easily. That’s the only cinematic liberty we have taken.”

A leaked publicity still

The film, already in news, for the Rs. 1000 Crore item song called ‘NREGA NREGA’, is being directed by Hollywood’s horror specialist John Eyres and Produced by Indian Government’s ‘Progeny Progress Fund’ (PPF).

Among other problems, the unnamed sources add, is the tricky question of film’s climax. “We are still struggling with how the film ends. We have already shot 27 different endings, the latest one being Rahul running through the fields of Lakhimpur Kheri, and hugging a dalit. An earlier one we liked a lot was Rahul pointing to his white kurta and saying ‘Now that’s austerity’ but then, he winked before we could cut the shot.”

Just acting

The makers, PPF Pictures (Very Very) Private Limited, are looking for a Diwali release but it all depends on distributors and a suitable climax. Or if, as some experts say, they could add another item song worth another Rs. 1000 Crore – ‘Maiyya Maiyya’.