Pakistan To Stone Twitter To Death

Trends change, people don't (Image Courtesy: Arrow, Dreamstime.com)

After ordering a televised beheading of Facebook, and cutting-into-pieces of Youtube two days ago, a local court today sentenced the social networking microblog Twitter to be stoned to death. The court, hearing an appeal from a group of Maulvis, who claimed following Laila (on Twitter) causes Laila (in Ocean), decided in favor of the group, ironically, minutes after installing the twitter client for i-phone on their China-made duplicates. By the way, China hailed Pakistan’s move and said, “Had Facebook been still around, we would have ‘LIKED’ Pakistan.”

The learned judge, Mustafa Mustafa, called the ruling “very progressive, as compared to Indian TV soaps”, while further explaining that he did take a “Facebook personality test two days ago” and found out that he “was Ultra-Paranoid! So I just acted on my personality type, and ordered a cleansing.”

Pakistani teenagers already depressed by the number of soft-porn, Bilawal Zardari screaming like mad, and random white/chinese kids pulling random cats’ tails videos they are going to miss after the death of Youtube and Facebook, went into further shock on realizing that they won’t be able to follow Amitabh Bacchhan’s inane tweets anymore.

Even Hell has no good usernames left (Image Courtesy: Daily Mail UK and EPA)

The stoning of Twitter will take place in Waziristan as soon as a suicide-mission-intern goofs up leaving the rest of the day uneventful.

Meanwhile, Yadav duo, Lalu Prasad and Mulayam Singh, today demanded 33 percent OBC quota in Cyclone names. “OBCs are highly under-represented in Cyclone names. Let the next one be called Rabri. Or Misa”, demanded Lalu Yadav outside parliament.

Too Many Girls Hugging Too Many Girls For Facebook Profile Pictures

Representation pic only, though the hug is real

Berkeley. 21 September 2009

A path-breaking research by UC Berkeley’s Center for Social Studies has concluded what many were fearing for the last few months – too many girls are hugging too many girls to get the “most socially acceptable” profile picture on Facebook and other networking sites.

The study conducted over a period of 4-months scanned around 1 million Facebook profile pictures to deduce that “It’s more than a simple trend like Facebook quizzes. It’s become a compulsion like Farmville.”  Barbara Huxley, the post-doctoral student spearheading this monumental research admitted that – “There have been many incidents of girl-hugging-girl in the last few weeks, and all this points to a very disturbing need to belong.”

A rough estimate puts hugging pictures at around 48 percent of all female profile photos, with ‘abstract imagery or looking in the distance’ photos a far-second at 21 percent. Leira Kenterwock, a marketing executive, confided that she “was made to hug a friend at a party because of peer pressure. In fact, my whole life is a series of peer-pressured events. My hair-style, my deodorant, my boyfriends, even my cellphone’s ringtone is decided by my peer-pressure group.”

“Guys would never do such a hug-your-pal thing to get attention”, emphasized Mark Dillon, a community worker addicted to social media. “We are happy posing with our cars or dogs, things that make us human. Of course, the car has to be better than my friend’s and dog smarter”, Mark added.

Meanwhile, Facebook crashed for a few hours yesterday, giving a billion people worldwide a chance to get up and take a bath after months of networking.