Obama, Mamta and Advani Star in 2009 Summer Releases

Mumbai/ Los Angeles. 23 June 2009.

Hollywood and Bollywood’s 2009 Summer looks hotter than ever with some of the most entertaining and daring superstars coming together for some of the most awaited releases of the year. Here’s the list:

1. Good Reason Hunting: A BJP-RSS co-production, starring yesteryear superstars LK Advani and Rajnath Singh, with Varun Gandhi, Arun Jaitley, Venkaiah Naidu and Sudheendra Kulkarni in supporting roles.

2. Gulaal-Garh: An Indo-China Co-Production, this one is the much-awaited sequel to ‘The Thin Red Line For Thick-Skinned Oldies’.

3. Dare You Fly Over Cuckoo’s Nest: The debut venture of mild-man Obama, this one is an action thriller with some spine-chilling stunts and a blink-and-miss appearance by a house fly.

CBI clean-chit to swines in swine-flu case

(Picture courtesy: film.org.au)

New Delhi. 30 April 2009.

As the swine-flu spreads across seven countries of Europe and Americas, CBI of India has given a hasty ‘clean-chit’ to swines of the world, irrespective of their nationalties. With this, CBI achieves a hattrick of clean-chits in a month which saw similar acquittals of Tytler, Sajjan, and Quattrochhi in cases dating back to pre-Google, post-Beatles years of the 80’s.

Explaining the 1084-page clean-chit submitted by the organization, a source reveals – “Of course, it took us 25-years or so in the other cases, but this time we were sure that swines were being framed without proper evidence. We all know birds fly, and swines not. So, how can you say ‘swine-flew’? Ridiculous.”

Always by his side

Though American media was rife with rumors of President Obama catching the notorious flu himself, his wife and First Lady Michelle Obama cleared the air by emphasizing that “he is not good at catching anything foreign, be it policy or flu.”

Meanwhile, Republicans have blamed Democrats’ liberal border policy for the latest flu-outbreak. “Had they sealed the Mexico border, we wud’ve no flu crossing over…ye!”, shouted an angry protestor outside Pentagon.

After the failure of 4-captain theory, IPL team tries Af-Pak policy to improve results

Obama on Af-Pak

The real beneficiary

Durban. 21 April 2009.

The furore following IPL team Knight Riders’ four-captain-theory is yet to die down, but the team has gone ahead and embraced another fancy and equally controversial policy to up its fortunes. Team owner and love-mera-hit-hit star Shahrukh Khan today announced his willingness to “try-out” US President Mr. Barack Obama’s grand Af-Pak policy to give his boys the much-needed fillip in the second season of India’s local cricket tournament, which incidentally, is being played in South Africa this year.

Explaining the new development, Knight Riders’ coach John Buchanan said that “the team needs something which is raw, fancy, and absolutely impractical, as that’s what the IPL format demands. I mean, you can’t be more impractical than Shane Warne, and he won it last year.” Though Mr. Obama couldn’t be reached directly, he was busy formulating Kar-Tam policy for resolving the Karnataka-Tamilnadu Cauvery Water dispute,  his office expressed delight at getting the news. “That’s a start! Somebody in South-East Asia recognizing our policy”, the short message from White House read.

Though there is still vagueness regarding how Af-Pak will be implemented by KKR, fellow teams insist that it’s just another name for ‘Four-Captain-Theory’ where everybody takes decisions and nobody takes the responsibility.

Thank God for racism!

Meanwhile, Team Rajasthan Royals’ stake-holder Shilpa Shetty today expressed her shock at realizing that IPL is “not a Big Brother type reality show! I mean, where is the voting, bitching, nudity, abusive language, and fake emotions?. Lalit Modi sold me the package with these tags, and he lied.” Lalit Modi, in his defense, just said – “I didn’t lie.”

Obama hires Michael Jackson as campaign manager: Hopes to woo blacks, whites, men and women in single sweep

Washington. 13th February.

The race for American Presidency is throwing up surprises faster than you could say ‘moonwalk’, and the latest one comes from Illinois Senator and Democratic candidate Barack Obama. To rival democrat Hillary Clinton’s great dismay, Obama has hired famous singer, dancer, and child-home fund-raiser Michael Jackson as his campaign manager for the 2009 elections.

Obama firmly believes that MJ works as “a great package, since he is a black, a white, a man, and a woman, all at the same time, not to mention his equal lack of knowledge about Republicans and Democrats.” Renowned BPO expert and Narayanmurthy-for-President Society volunteer Thomas Friedman agreed that “America couldn’t have had a better role model for the freedom of gender choice, racial expression and which fairness cream to apply.” Visibly excited over his masterstroke, Obama further explained – “In such a high-pressure campaign, you do need a stress-buster or two at times. In my free time, especially during the Youtube Debates, I will write poetry for MJ’s next album.”

Meanwhile, seeing Lady Clinton’s fast sinking fortunes, Bill Clinton made an urgent call to UNO and announced his availability for the next-leg of UN AIDS Awareness Program. “At least there is a chance there…”, mumbled Bill before walking away.

For his part, Michael Jackson thanked Obama for choosing him over Paris Hilton, and conveyed his full undivided faith in the young contender by saying – “I love him. He is such a kid!”