Rahul Gandhi’s Coming-of-Age Movie Finds No Buyers

The Official 'First Look'

New Delhi/Lucknow 25 September 2009

Perhaps it was not a good idea to start with. Rahul Gandhi’s ambitious coming-of-age movie, ‘PAPPU CAN DANCE SAALA’, under-production for the last 7-years, is close to completion now. But unfortunately, and cynics say expectedly, the Rs. 2000 Crore film has no takers.

Shot entirely on-location primarily in Uttar Pradesh, Maharashtra and India’s Capital New Delhi, and featuring cameos by Kalawati, Milliband, Shahrukh Khan and a bunch of Doon School pass-outs, the closely guarded storyline is rumored to have Rahul zip across the country, especially the dark state of Uttar Pradesh, to find himself. Film’s screenwriter Joyen Coterie admitted this much in a recent interview – “It’s a man’s internal journey – to find his identity away from his family name. Of course, he uses his family name to find this ‘away identity’ easily. That’s the only cinematic liberty we have taken.”

A leaked publicity still

The film, already in news, for the Rs. 1000 Crore item song called ‘NREGA NREGA’, is being directed by Hollywood’s horror specialist John Eyres and Produced by Indian Government’s ‘Progeny Progress Fund’ (PPF).

Among other problems, the unnamed sources add, is the tricky question of film’s climax. “We are still struggling with how the film ends. We have already shot 27 different endings, the latest one being Rahul running through the fields of Lakhimpur Kheri, and hugging a dalit. An earlier one we liked a lot was Rahul pointing to his white kurta and saying ‘Now that’s austerity’ but then, he winked before we could cut the shot.”

Just acting

The makers, PPF Pictures (Very Very) Private Limited, are looking for a Diwali release but it all depends on distributors and a suitable climax. Or if, as some experts say, they could add another item song worth another Rs. 1000 Crore – ‘Maiyya Maiyya’.

Austere Indian Minister Quits ‘Paapad’, Drought-Hit Farmers Euphoric

International Austerity Conference at Taj Mansingh, New Delhi

New Delhi. 13 September, 2009.

In a rarest of rare case, an Indian Union Minister gave the much-publicized austerity-drive a huge fillip by quitting the Indian food accompaniment ‘paapad’ to show solidarity with the government’s drought-relief programs. “I can’t bring myself to have that paapad, especially when moong-daal, the basic ingredient of my favorite paapads, has taken the biggest hit this monsoon”, the Minister with Independent Portfolio, Kamal Nath Sharma said in an emotional press-briefing.

The hard-earned appreciation

He also displayed the ‘Certificate of Appreciation’ presented to him by AICC President Sonia Gandhi the night before, just after he finished his first meal in 40-years without paapad. “Sonia ji was very happy that I have taken such a huge step on my own,” said Kamal Nath Sharma.

Experts believe that Kamal Sharma’s bold move may have a cascading effect and many more ministers will follow soon with their own, even grander versions of, self-imposed restrictions. It’s worth noting that MOS, MEA Shashi Tharoor has already cut-down on his gymming hours and he doesn’t “do bench-press and leg-curls exercises” anymore.

The news has brought much joy among the farmers in drought-hit districts of Madhya Pradesh and Maharashtra. “We never thought The Government would care for us…but Kamal Sharma has proved us wrong, and how!”, said Bilaas Sarma, the sarpanch of Jilohi village in Chhindwara district. “In fact, we have decided to build his statue to show our gratitude. A location has been finalized, and expert sculptors from Lucknow have been contacted. And of course, he will be holding a ‘paapad’ in one hand and pointing the other towards horizon, indicating more paapads beyond the drought”, Bilaas Sarma added.

Lijjat Family, in happier times

Meanwhile, Indian Army has confirmed that the guerillas putting red-spray paints on Ladakhi rocks were NOT Chinese Armyperson. “They were Coca Cola advertisers!”, read a classified note doing the rounds.