Pakistan To Stone Twitter To Death

Trends change, people don't (Image Courtesy: Arrow, Dreamstime.com)

After ordering a televised beheading of Facebook, and cutting-into-pieces of Youtube two days ago, a local court today sentenced the social networking microblog Twitter to be stoned to death. The court, hearing an appeal from a group of Maulvis, who claimed following Laila (on Twitter) causes Laila (in Ocean), decided in favor of the group, ironically, minutes after installing the twitter client for i-phone on their China-made duplicates. By the way, China hailed Pakistan’s move and said, “Had Facebook been still around, we would have ‘LIKED’ Pakistan.”

The learned judge, Mustafa Mustafa, called the ruling “very progressive, as compared to Indian TV soaps”, while further explaining that he did take a “Facebook personality test two days ago” and found out that he “was Ultra-Paranoid! So I just acted on my personality type, and ordered a cleansing.”

Pakistani teenagers already depressed by the number of soft-porn, Bilawal Zardari screaming like mad, and random white/chinese kids pulling random cats’ tails videos they are going to miss after the death of Youtube and Facebook, went into further shock on realizing that they won’t be able to follow Amitabh Bacchhan’s inane tweets anymore.

Even Hell has no good usernames left (Image Courtesy: Daily Mail UK and EPA)

The stoning of Twitter will take place in Waziristan as soon as a suicide-mission-intern goofs up leaving the rest of the day uneventful.

Meanwhile, Yadav duo, Lalu Prasad and Mulayam Singh, today demanded 33 percent OBC quota in Cyclone names. “OBCs are highly under-represented in Cyclone names. Let the next one be called Rabri. Or Misa”, demanded Lalu Yadav outside parliament.

China Bans Public Urinals To Avoid Social Networking

History leaks into future

Undisclosed Location. 13 June 2009.

Chinese Government, after banning You Tube, Flickr, and Twitter, has now taken ‘concrete’ steps to outlaw social networking as it existed in its most primitive form by putting an immediate ban on Public Urinals. A government website, accessible only to government officials still alive and not urinating publicly, today announced the latest development by sending a tweet, G-talk message, mail, SMS, audible shout to other government officials in other states. A mandarin from the Ministry of Health and Restrictions later confirmed that “all the public urinals will be shut down and dynamited with immediate effect. Social networking, especially when done while a liquid sensation is running through one’s body could be potentially harmful to the People’s Republic’s Republicity.”

A team of scientists, working directly under the Ministry of Science and Restrictions, has already got cracking at designing a single-use ‘Public Urinal Booth’ (PUB) – something which only one person can use on as-is-where-is-whatever-is basis. Such PUBs, adds a scientist, will “make sure that people mind their own business” while peeing. Another scientist, visibly excited with the new development, added – ‘We don’t mind a few bladder-bursts in the meantime. But we will make sure to come up with a single-use Urinal that keeps our sovereignty ahead of our loo-needs.’

Hu Scru Us?

Meanwhile, after the latest round of threats by officials to get Google banned in China, Google has shot back by threatening to remove the word “China” from its search engine.