More Rewards: State Government Announces 5% Cash Back On Toll-Tax For Paes-Bhupathi

How much does our selector get out of this?

Mumbai. 04 April 2011.

Keeping up with its generosity towards sporting achievements, Maharashtra State Government has announced cash rewards for Indian tennis-duo of Leander Paes and Mahesh Bhupathi who recently regained their world no. 1 ranking by winning the Miami Open doubles-title. A sports ministry spokesperson announced a “cash back guarantee of 5% on all inter-state toll tax collected from Paes-Bhupathi, on the condition that they are traveling together at the time of toll-tax collection. They of course would need to produce the receipt later to use the benefit.”

Not the one to not take a hint, Indian Tennis Federation also announced special reward of “Kaya Skin Clinic” discount coupons for the winning duo. “It’s a handsome discount of 74% on full-body skin treatment”, said the official release.

Not only this, Leander Paes and Mahesh Bhupathi were greeted by thousands of chanting fans in Mumbai, all the way from the airport to their respective homes in suburbs. Most of them were obviously drunk, lying on the roadsides, and forwarding any SMS that came their way. “Of course they were chanting our names – Mahesh and Leander is Mahender”, said Mahesh Bhupathi.   “As I entered my home, firecrackers were still going up”, said an ecstatic Leander. “Surely it can’t be because of the World Cup win which is already 3-days stale now”, he added hesitantly.

Give me your account numbers, boys! (Photo Courtesy: NDTV.com and AFP)

Meanwhile UPA has announced a cash-reward of Rs. 1-Crore for Rahul Gandhi too, for “being present at the venue and inspiring a win – a rare occasion”.

Pratibha Patil Forgets She Is The President

I know who you are. Tell me who I am?

New Delhi. 6 June 2009.

President Pratibha Patil, probably due to lack of media attention or too much cricket, today forgot that she herself is the President of India. Addressing the joint session of newly constituted parliament, she started her lecture by saying – “Our dear President APJ Abdul Kalam is on his way, and till then, I have been instructed to hold the stage and indulge you.” When Lok Sabha speaker Meira Kumar gently reminded her that she herself is the President, Pratibha Patil smiled and said – “Nice joke.”

It took an assorted team of psychiatrists, news anchors, and ghost-mediums another 4-hours to convince her that she was ‘selected’ for the coveted post a couple of years ago. It was only after she was shown recorded footage of her swearing-in ceremony followed by an episode of Rakhi Sawant’s swayamvar did she believe that anything can happen in India.

Co-incidentally, out of 800-members of the two houses of parliament, at least 70 percent too didn’t know who this lady was. A tired looking first-time MP later confessed – “I am never attending President’s address again. This lady, she spoke for two hours and didn’t even sell anything in the end. And where was the President?” Another MP, a veteran, was more excited – “Was she…ohh…was she Pratibha Patil ji? Ohh…I should have looked up from my Mayapuri. They never show her on TV. I thought she was just a hoax…a real rubber-stamp!”