Nation Shocked As Suhel Seth Has ‘No Comments’ On Kasab Verdict

In happier times

Mumbai. 06 May 2010.

More than a billion people, including Arnab Goswami and Sagarika Ghose, went in a shocked silence of more than 20-seconds as Suhel Seth confessed that he “frankly” had “no comments” on the Kasab verdict in 26/11 trial that ended yesterday.The interviewer Rajdeep Sardesai, at the other end of the phone line at that moment, initially blamed the dropped-bombshell to ‘some disturbance in our phone connection’ and asked the question again. But to Rajdeep’s, and the milling Indian masses’ utter discomfort, he repeated “No comments” and cut the line.

Though most of the Indian news channels are still in denial over this unexpected development, Times Now calling it “a passing phase” and NDTV’s Barkha Dutt claiming “Suhel will be present in the studio on the weekend discussion discussing Suhel’s absence”, some seem to have come to terms with this “loss”. A prominent business channel with a multiple of 9 in its name featured a half-hour ‘Suhel in the studio’ (SITS) special, recounting his best moments in newsroom discussions. SITS producer Vikram Randhawa said “He was a tiger (in newsrooms). I hope he has something to say about something soon.”

These hair have not whitened in sun... (Image Courtesy: NDTV)

The common man, though, is less forgiving. Saurov Dey, an executive with an international bank in Delhi and an avid media-watcher,  said: “How could he do this to us? He could have just repeated what he famously said about Jessica case, Save the Tiger campaign, Mumbai traffic woes, Malgudi days, Bra color on Facebook, and French food: “I  think it has something for everyone.” I hate him now.”

Meanwhile, public prosecutor in Kasab case, Ujjwal Nikam, has been selected as the first celebrity participant for the coming season’s Bigg Boss, owing to his charisma, achievement, and love for drama.

Kasab being victimised because he is a dalit: Indian politician

(image Courtesy: Outlookindia.com)

Mumbai. 04 May 2010.

A bit late in the day, but just before a Mumbai sessions court finalises a sentence for Pakistani terrorist Ajmal Amir Kasab for the 26/11 Mumbai terror attacks, an Indian politician has thrown a virtual trump card in the arena. “Kasab is a dalit. He is being victimised like A. Raja“, said KS Priyan, International President of a district-level party in a southern Indian state.

The allegation, now even a part of ‘Oxbridge Dictionary of Alibis and Excuses’, came as a shocking reminder to major national parties like Congress and BJP that how complacent they have been acting off late. “It’s a shame, we agree”, said Congress’s spokesman Avishkar Birla, “we should have come up with this gem of an allegation before anyone else. It would have gone down well with Rahul Baba’s UP game-plan.” The BJP spokesperson couldn’t comment as the sun was strong and he fainted.

KS Priyan, addressing a press conference in Mumbai, seemed to be in a rough mood as he threw a water bottle in anger while asking – “Who the fuck is watching ‘Housefull’?” After regaining his composure a couple of minutes later, he restated his allegation that “Kasab is as innocent as, choose any metaphor you like. But the point is, he is a dalit.” On being asked that is there a proof that Kasab is dalit, his face lit up. “The fact that he doesn’t even have a proof of his dalit identity is the proof! See, they won’t even let a dalit keep his identity proof.”

Though Priyan’s allegations may not affect the final verdict, the political players as well as intellectuals are excited with the possibilities such insinuations bring. “It’s like having a Red Indian character in a mainstream Hollywood flick. You can use it for emotions, purity, sudden twists, or any random last-minute plot device conveniently”, said Delhi-based social scientist Neeru Bajwa in some other context.

Triplicate Girl: Wet dream of an Indian Bureaucrat

Meanwhile, Kasab said, “Given the state of Indian courts, and the number of boring hours I had to spend repeating the same answers a trillion times, even if I am set free, I will never indulge in any act, even remotely related to anything illegal. I am done with triplicates. I am done with triplicates. I am done with triplicates.”