World Awed As Apple Launches Something Good-looking

Found in a bar (Pic Courtesy: matthewktabor.com)

San Fransisco. 07 June 2010.

In a much anticipated and fanatically followed ceremony, Apple CEO Steve Jobs launched something very sleek, good looking, and fantastically white. Technology website reporters, business journalists, bored-but-there executives, over-informed teenagers, and clueless passers-by waited for hours, not because Jobs was late but, to feel good about themselves, as the keynote started.

“Stop me, if you have already seen this”, he started his speech with, and had to contend with raised hands, mostly from Gizmodo subscribers, every few seconds. He then apologized and changed his first line to, “Stop me if you really think you can get alive out of here after doing so”, which resulted in putting the focus back on the good looking thing he was unveiling. The 90-minute mindfuckingly unbelievable presentation showed the good-looking thing in various good-looking angles with Steve Jobs’ good-sounding voice-over explaining the good looks.

Hypenating good-looking

Sandman Hurst, 36, the leading tech expert for a very big tech magazine in a very big country live-blogged enthusiastically, calling the launch “one of the most awaited days” of his life. Hurst would have added more but then he had to get back to his job and “work my ass-off at my blood sucking company so that I could buy the good looking thing sometime in the coming decade.”

Youngsters from around the world held their breath before, and hugged each other after, the launch, to claim that they belonged. “I can’t tell you how thrilled I am. I didn’t sleep for the last 2 weeks – I don’t know why – but it all seems worth it now!”, said Neil Simon, 22.

If Apple insiders are to be believed, the company is working on a new-range of somethings to be launched sometime soon, if not sometime later.

Meanwhile in India, 1984’s Bhopal Gas Tragedy case verdict is out, giving TV news channels another much-needed opportunity to call panel discussions where everybody is agreeing with the anchor.

(Idea Courtesy: Onion’s ‘Something Happened Somewhere’ video story)

http://www.csmonitor.com/Innovation/Horizons/2010/0429/Jon-Stewart-skewers-Apple-over-iPhone-4G-debacle

Indian News Channels Commemorate The 1st Anniversary of Going Hoarse

Not at 'Ground Zero'

25 November 2009. Mumbai.

Barkha Dutt looks into the calm sea at Marine Drive, her eyes welling up with memories of a day she launched into the biggest shrill-assault on the unsuspecting Indian viewers across the nation. “I won’t take full credit for it. It was an accumulated skill, a ‘being at right ground-zero, at the right time, with the right hoarseness’ moment”, she says modestly while still avoiding a direct eye-contact.

The 'Now' Man

Arnab Goswami, Barkha’s counterpart at Times Now, is more forthcoming. “I was in the studio and my job was tougher. We already had a few reporters on the streets – screaming, babbling, showing ‘exclusive’ footage in a loop, and my job was to tie the loose ends with an equally incomprehensible narration. It was a watershed moment. And as I said, we had ‘exclusive’ footage. I mean ‘exclusive footage’.”

It’s courageous stories like Arnab’s and Barkha’s that make 26th November 2009, the first anniversary of Mumbai attacks, a day to commemorate the spirit of Indian News TV. Never before a wholly complex system of (Papua New Guinea launched) satellites, OB vans, confused mike-holders, and wide-eyed studio presenters was put in such a grave danger of being toppled by the bigness of an event.

The righteous shrill

“It was BIG. INDIA was ATTACKED”, reveals Rajdeep Sardesai, wearing his trademark silk kurta and white pajamas to show his solidarity with the nation.”We were being tested,” he continues in his calculated style, “and we had to show that we are no flukes, or derivatives of some other channel. Let’s be frank – it was a shrill event, and we were forced to shout. But we are proud of the way we did it.”

Smiling for hidden camera

Amidst all these candid recounts, one man still remains guarded. Rajat Sharma, whose niche channel India TV was the only one to get an exclusive interview with one of the terrorists of 26/11, maintains his dignity a year later too. “We have the blessings of Sri Sri Bhabhoot Baba – our in-house future teller as well as health show host,” starts Sharma, almost in a trance. “He helped us get a ‘spiritual connection’ to one of the terrorists. But I am sorry, I can’t reveal more. Journalistic integrity doesn’t allow me”, Sharma trails off. But just when one thinks that he is done, he adds, with a rare smile – “We were different that day.”