Tag Archives: Pakistan

Pakistan To Stone Twitter To Death

Trends change, people don't (Image Courtesy: Arrow, Dreamstime.com)

After ordering a televised beheading of Facebook, and cutting-into-pieces of Youtube two days ago, a local court today sentenced the social networking microblog Twitter to be stoned to death. The court, hearing an appeal from a group of Maulvis, who claimed following Laila (on Twitter) causes Laila (in Ocean), decided in favor of the group, ironically, minutes after installing the twitter client for i-phone on their China-made duplicates. By the way, China hailed Pakistan’s move and said, “Had Facebook been still around, we would have ‘LIKED’ Pakistan.”

The learned judge, Mustafa Mustafa, called the ruling “very progressive, as compared to Indian TV soaps”, while further explaining that he did take a “Facebook personality test two days ago” and found out that he “was Ultra-Paranoid! So I just acted on my personality type, and ordered a cleansing.”

Pakistani teenagers already depressed by the number of soft-porn, Bilawal Zardari screaming like mad, and random white/chinese kids pulling random cats’ tails videos they are going to miss after the death of Youtube and Facebook, went into further shock on realizing that they won’t be able to follow Amitabh Bacchhan’s inane tweets anymore.

Even Hell has no good usernames left (Image Courtesy: Daily Mail UK and EPA)

The stoning of Twitter will take place in Waziristan as soon as a suicide-mission-intern goofs up leaving the rest of the day uneventful.

Meanwhile, Yadav duo, Lalu Prasad and Mulayam Singh, today demanded 33 percent OBC quota in Cyclone names. “OBCs are highly under-represented in Cyclone names. Let the next one be called Rabri. Or Misa”, demanded Lalu Yadav outside parliament.


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Pakistan Hurt At ‘Phir Mile Sur Mera Tumhara’ Snub Now

Pakistan's Meera, missing from 'Mile Sur' video

Islamabad. 27 January 2010.

With the hurt of IPL-snub still fresh, Pakistani glitterati, sport-stars, and ex-army chiefs were shocked to find that the new video for India’s national integration song ‘Mile Sur Mera Tumhara’ didn’t feature a single Pakistani – dead or alive.”This is the stuff great insults are made of”, said an official press release from Pakistan’s External Affairs (East-Side)  ministry.

The strongly-worded press note, printed on the back-side of India’s 26/11 dossier, went on to blame India for “this well-planned conspiracy.” An MEA spokesman, reading from the note, further added that -“if they had no intentions of involving any Pakistani in this video, why did they show so many Pakistanis in ‘Aman ki Asha’ then? Why did they casually show our ex-air chief in a ‘Save Girl Child’ campaign? This is a pin-holder in CBM balloon.”

The mood in Indian media was none different with many top opinion-makers including Suhel Seth and Madhu Kishwar coming out against this “obvious bias” by the ad agency that produced the video. “Shiamak Davar??!!”, screamed Suhel Seth, “What is he doing in the video? Couldn’t we have General Kiyani or Jemima Khan instead? Or Meera – she is a star at par with Deepika.” Seth’s co-panelist, Madhu Kishwar, was equally critical, and asked “If we can have the whole of Bollywood in IPL and the whole of Bollywood in ‘Mile sur’, then why is it wrong to demand Pakistan’s representation in both? What happened to celebrity-to-celebrity contact roadmap?”

Strong opinions, those

Indian minister and avid tweeter, Shashi Tharoor also called Pakistan’s hurt justified, and tweeted “whr is afridi zrdari amisha gul png? srk was good. salman ok. video good bt bad diplmacy. flying to vegas – life’s a gamble. @smkrishna #fun”.

Meanwhile, the latest leaks coming in from Pakistan suggest a strong diplomatic rebuttal. “We may issue a circular, barring all our diplomats from using Dabur Dant Manjan in the morning. See how Indian companies will suffer now!”, a source claimed.

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